When we first meet someone it may seem they can do no wrong. Although they may have some idiosyncrasies these can be endearing, so what has happened some time later when the dishwasher not being stacked properly seems like the most offensive thing possible?
Over time with couples, patterns of behaviour build up. We may be aware of them or completely oblivious. We do know however that something is not right in how we feel towards the other person and we can start to feel distant and wonder what to do.
Try asking yourself these questions:
What has become the focus of our lives?
It could be that you used to consider one another with small acts of kindness or appreciation but now you are busy worrying about paying the rent or the mortgage or dealing with that difficult work colleague.
What common goals do you share?
These are goals which serve to enhance the relationship. Goals can be about holidays and homes or less concrete like spending quality time together, sharing an interest, having tech free nights or even more generally around what type of couple you would like to be.
When do you spend time doing something special?
This refers to time you set aside for just you and your partner and may require some thought. Time spent watching Netflix is fun and relaxing but does not necessarily create connection.
If you have tried to get back to how things were and it seems difficult, it may be that counselling would give you a fresh view on your relationship and help you connect again.