Values are something which we may not consciously examine and when we do, it may take some time to articulate them. What is a value after all?
Values which people commonly name as important include integrity, honesty, trustworthiness and loyalty. Such values underpin other important areas of focus for us such as family, friendships, political leanings, attitudes and beliefs. Our personal values drive our actions, the work we do (or would like to do), the goals we have in life and our core beliefs.
In a relationship values have an important role. Often we choose partners whose values are aligned to our own and this is an area of overlap but there may be areas where we disagree in terms of our values. Sometimes a clash of this nature can take a while to become apparent.
When couples come to counselling due to conflict there can be many contributing factors such as ineffective communication, breaches of trust, built up resentments, outside influences, difficult patterns of interaction and so on however there may also be a difference in values which is contributing to tension and this is worth understanding.
Effective communication is a key to such understanding. The relationship foundations of negotiation, compromise, problem solving and conflict resolution are key to establishing a base to explore differences in values. By strengthening these it can be easier to understand whether or not the values clash is significant.
Whether you are currently single or in a relationship, it is worth understanding your values as they inform who you are, how you want to live your life and with whom you want to share that life.