Do you wonder why you struggle to resolve arguments with your partner?
Many couples get on extremely well most of the time but when they argue emotions can escalate quickly. At such times it can be hard to think straight and feelings can be difficult to define.
See if you relate to any of the following:
- Things escalate quickly when you have conflict
- You struggle to remember what the argument was about
- It takes a while for things to get back to normal
- Conflict is more frequent and more intense these days
Conflict is a normal part of life and relationships but when it comes to the person closest to us, the stakes seem higher, we can take longer to recover and it may create distance in an otherwise loving relationship.
Managing our emotional reactions is an important skill.
Try these tips:
- Have an agreed word to say if you become caught in an emotional state with the other. This flags that it’s time to take a breather.
- If you can get out of the house, go for a walk. If not, take some deep breaths.
- Only resume the conversation when you are no longer upset or thinking things like “I just have to get this last point across…”
- Afterwards try to notice if there is a pattern to your arguments.
If you feel you need some help to understand what goes on between you when you experience conflict, counselling might be a good step. It doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed! It means you value what you have and want to invest in more positive interactions instead of being caught in negative ones.